Pete and Repeat

Lately, and for the first time since I was about six, I've been having this recurring dream. It's not really the dream that's recurring, but the people in it and the major events. It leaves me every morning wishing that I really had been kissing that guy, and then wondering if I should go for it for the next few hours. It's also started to make me wonder what desires other people are constantly fighting within themselves.

The dreams I have always include this one person, us being in a large group doing something illegal, and always seems to end with a kiss just as my alarm starts going off. And half the time I get in a fight with this guy at some point in the dream, too. I have no clue what it means, I don't know if I want to know, and I'd really like his dream self to leave me alone. Or maybe I wouldn't. Maybe these dreams are affording me the opportunity to do whatever I want and be as impulsive and finicky as I so please without any real consequences. Maybe it just lets me be and do all the things I tell myself I'm too smart to do in real life.

So now I'm asking this: am I really being so smart for not living my life the way I dream it? Sure, logically none of it can happen or work or be that good for me or anyone else, but what am I losing by passing it up? How different would I be and feel if I just woke up tomorrow morning, said "Fuck this," and did whatever I felt like doing until I got sick of it? Just a shot in the dark, but I'm guessing that's an answer I'll never know.

Wander on.