In that movie, most of the lead female characters are forced to re-examine what they want out of life; some end up choosing what they had originally planned anyway, some have a complete change of heart. Ironically, now that it's 2010--over 50 years since when this movie was set--I feel like a new norm, new constraints, have been made, and in a different way, we're all just as trapped as we used to be. I'm not saying I long for the girdles of yesteryear or that I trust middle and upper-class white men to vote for everything, but as a woman, I still don't have the option of doing or being whatever I want. Most people don't. So today I'm gonna have some fun, play devil's advocate on all this, and see where it goes.
So let's say I have a deep interest and curiosity about learning (which is true). And I am in college, since I now am allowed to attend them at all (which is also true). Let's say I'm overwhelmingly compelled at times to write and read, but have no illusions or desires about making a living at either (again, true). So what are my options in an ideal, complete freedom/equality universe?
Option 1: I could find a husband who wants an equal partnership in household and home-life, but who would let my "job" be taking care of the house and kids during the day, managing finances, keeping the fridge stocked, and reading and writing as I so choose, while he takes on the role of breadwinner since he's interested in things you can actually make a living at.
Option 2: I could do odd jobs that temporarily interest or amuse me to make ends meet, scrape out a living, and hope for the best, while still fueling my internal passions in what little free-time I'd have left over.
Option 3: I could scour the career world over until I found some other thing that I would hope would interest me for long enough that I would do it long enough to retire and live the life I had wanted to live in my younger years.
Husband optional for choices 2 and 3.
Here's the part that gets me. Options 2 and 3 are pretty much what I'm stuck between now (only, it's a bit more optimistic, in all fairness). If I could ever find a man who would be the slightest bit interested, let alone prepared, for Option 1 with whom I could actually fall in love, I would nonetheless be looked down upon by almost all of society for seeming like a backwards thinker, washing years of feminism down the drain. Wouldn't you think, if I was really equal and free to be whatever I wanted, that my choice should be supported no matter what? And wouldn't you also think, since you my dear reader are oh so clever, that since I am free to live Option 1 if I wanted that there would be the necessary resources (aka: HUSBAND MATERIAL) available for me and those like me, who are in fact not backward thinkers but simply realistic about the potential monetary profit of their interests?
I look around my college and don't see anyone with enough interest, understanding, or empathy to be ready to marry. How was it different 55 years ago? I know the expectations were different, but what happened? Back then, it was "Get through high school, go to college, find a husband, have a family, play house," for women. Now it's more like, "Get through college, get a job, find time to date, maybe a husband, be married, keep your job, have kids, keep your job, teach your kids that the only right way to do things is the way you've done them, hire a shrink, try to relax, be sleep deprived, and barely have enough socked away for retirement." There's something really fucked up about both of these.
Fifty-five years ago, I would be expected to be married if not before I graduate college then at least within months of it. My primary concern should be my husband's life, tonight's meat loaf, and my house and children. Present day expectations: date in college, but nothing too serious; go to grad school at some point; get a job; have a career; marry if I want (but I don't need a man. or family. or traditional "home"); have kids if I want; raise them, or let my husband turn into the stay-at-home Dad, which ironically is considered admirable; retire; maybe get a divorce once the kids are grown; do what I want as long as I'm doing something in the outside world until I die. It's going from one extreme to the other. Back then was "It's all about everyone else!" Now it's "It's all about me!" Where is the happy middle? Why can't I do what makes me happy, even if taking care of my family is it?
I'm done ranting. I'm hungry. I have no answers on this one.
Wander on.
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